Bad night, better day

Well, you know I'm bored when I'm taking pictures of myself in my room. Look at that short hair! Maybe too short this time. In fact, I'm thinking of growing it out!

Yeah, it's a slow day, but purposely so. I had a terrible night last night. I've not been able to sleep more than three or so hours a night since I've been here. Very unusual. I've traveled to Africa, France, all over the states, changed major time zones, and always adapted quite quickly. There are a number of factors at work. No time to acclimate at all, really, before starting the intensive. A very intense first two days of Zhander talking--I wake up in the middle of the night, my mind racing with thoughts and insights from what he said. It's like a revelation to me in some ways, learning a language that can describe the things I experience in my practice but often can't put into words or perspective. This is, of course, why I'm here, studying with this man. But it was too much too fast for me to process, and it has gone deep. Couple that with a radical change in what I eat (I'm having a very hard time finding the right foods for me here) and the intense reactions I'm having to just being in Vienna, and I think my poor, sensitive system is just going nuts! 

Vienna is for me proving to be very intense energetically. I am very definitely picking up major energetic vibrations from this place--some of them dark, harsh, the buildings look and feel like fortresses to me, no where to move, things get stuck and hide in the hardness of the place. I walked down one street today and a wave of visual and emotional input hit me. I described it to Matt like having double vision. I was on the street in the present and at the same time I was seeing and feeling the past, when Vienna was occupied by the Nazis during the Holocaust. People walked by me and I was 'there' in that past. I've had that sense many times since being here. I first thought it was from seeing too many movies and too much study about the Holocaust during my dissertation studies. Now I'm thinking it's not that at all. I've always been highly sensitive to 'shadows' (not referring to Shadow Yoga, but you can see why it caught my eye at first!). I used to see them in people as a kid. Wrote about evil to get my Ph.D. Like that. Well, there's definitely an undercurrent of unresolved energy here in this place and it is hitting me hard. It's just energy and I'm picking it up like a radio signal. I need to find ways to turn the dial. There is a lot of other intense energy--Vienna is the home of many great thinkers, musicians, composers, poets. Many of the philosophers I studied in college were centered here. So there is that too. And there is newer energy here, lighter, cleaner, as well. 

Anyway, the sum of all this is that I missed class this AM, much to my dismay. I went to sleep around 8pm, was woken by a loud noise around 11pm and that was it until 3 in the morning! I tossed, turned, tried just about everything to shut my mind up, but for naught. I fell into a fitful sleep at around 3 then woke at 5:3oam for class and there was just no way I was going to make it. I slept another 4 hours, deeply, which was great. Spent a quiet day avoiding books, videos, music, anything that might stimulate my senses, went hunting for acceptable foods, thought about how to help keep myself centered, did a good practice in the afternoon, did a bit of emailing. And now....not much of anything until 6pm when I go iChat with my husband (internet chat with video--the future is here, people!!!). 

So, very sorry, but I have no gems from today's class since I wasn't there. I'll be there the rest of the week if I have to crawl in. I'm hoping that this day of regrouping will settle things down and allow me to attend without risking my health. 

That's all for today. Thanks for listening. Tune in tomorrow for more on Zhander and better pictures than these!!!

Me at Starbucks. Okay, so I'm playing with my computer camera, what of it....