The world is a strange place...

...and I'm still trying to figure out how to live in it. We had this thing develop in the past three weeks that looked to be something awesome. John and I have always dreamed of having a real home with property. It's been a lifelong dream of mine to have my horse with me on my own place. So a friend suggested we talk to her ex-husband about property they used to live on together. 6+ acres, cute house, lovely surroundings. It needs a ton of work, so we'd work on it and renovate in exchange for rent. We met with him, got along well, things were very positive. Emailing took place, negotiations were made. It all looked like a huge YES! We met with him again on Saturday, it was a go. He was going to leave a key so we could start on the place. We went out and spent some time on Sunday looking at the property, dreaming, planning. We came home to an email, an EMAIL, that indicated he was changing his mind.

We were stunned. We had spent a lot of time talking about how perfect it was, how taken care of we were, how we could afford to live on the income we presently have, our dreams of having land and a place like that to call home. We planned repairs, we planned pasture renovations. We went pretty deep into this.

And now, poof, gone. Like piss in the wind. So that's life. It is. That's my experience of how life goes. Did we create this? I guess we did. But we are not stupid people, nor overly naive, and neither of us saw this coming.

So back to plan A. We have a nice apartment, my horse has a nice home. For the next few months we are able to swing it. I will have to make an income asap to make sure we swing it for much longer than a few months. Okay, that was the original plan. Where this came from and why, I have no idea. We were treated shabbily. We probably dodged a huge bullet with this guy. But still, the question lingers. Why? Why have it come up, why have it taken away? The question most asked by human beings when they are faced with something that seems impossible or incomprehensible. Why?

The world is a strange, strange place. I have always found it to be so. I've manifested some wonderful things. A great partnership with a wonderful man. Strong and loving bonds with my assorted dogs, horses, birds. I love the world in its natural state. If I had my own way, I'd live in a log cabin with minimal amenities, have my husband, horse, and dog with me, and nothing more. I'd be happy not having anything or anyone else in my life. I'd grow things, food we could eat, ride my horse, ride into town every so often for supplies, but other than that, not have much to do with anyone else. I just don't think I'm cut out for community. As a friend once said, community is a good idea, but then you have to deal with the people. This is what I want, and all I want: